Are panic attacks normal when you start filling out divorce papers? Couldn't breath today. That hasn't happened since... uh... last Sunday....happens every time I have to preach these days. That's another posting. Anyway, it's odd to think again about dividing things. I think that is what was bothering me today. I was reminded of the antique trunk filled with family photos that need divided... the junk we've collected and have in storage in the attic, etc. Just considering dividing things officially is pretty daunting. It seems so final. I don't want the husband back. That's not it. I guess it's just the continued grief over lost hopes and dreams. It's the thought of being single, which seems so... alone... to me. It's hard. I feel like I'm saying "goodbye" to the life I thought I'd have, with each answer on the pages of my forms. It was never supposed to turn out this way. But I can't change him and therefore, I can't stay married. I don't love him at all anymore anyway. I just never thought I'd be doing this. It doesn't fit my view of myself. Oh well....
I am determined to fill out most of the paperwork tonight and tomorrow morning, though! If only I weren't financially ignorant I might understand half the questions on the form. I guess if I don't know what it is, I don't own it, so I'm putting down n/a.
Chocolate awaits me at the end, though. Bravo! here I come! Lunch time tomorrow!
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When I did mine, my only thought was take whatever you want, just don't come back. And once it was done, I felt only relief and an excitement about what my future would hold. It was actually one of the best feelings I ever had. You still have a great life ahead of you, be happy that you have the important things: health, healthy children, people that love you. After that, everything else can be replaced and rebuilt. You are taking a very large step in removing the poison from your life, keep looking forward.
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