Child and Death

I took my youngest with me to the hospital tonight. Expected to plunk him in a waiting room and work at my computer while I was just there for supporting R's caregivers. I'd already worshipped and spent time with her. Should have known that life does not work that way. My son walked right into R's room and up to her bed. Her face lit up and she said, "He's so handsome." You could tell that she was pleased to see a child there. Later, as I was explaining to the friends/family about the process of dying, my son goes across the hallway and I could see the tears forming in his eyes. He turned away as they rolled down his cheeks. Immediately I took him to the waiting room. He cried and cried. He couldn't talk. I couldn't figure out why he was so upset since he doesn't know R. He finally said, "She's always been so nice to me at church, and I never appreciated her, and now she's dying. I never did anything for her and now it's too late!" Well, break my heart! What a sweet kid I have! I offered to take him home. He said he wouldn't leave. He wanted to stay. I questioned him for several minutes about what he wanted to do about all his feelings. He finally agreed to make a card to thank her.

We sat in the waiting room. He with his markers and a piece of paper. Me with my computer, wishing I had Internet, but playing free cell instead. He drew. He wrote. He talked about how sad it was that she was dying. He talked about how sad he was that her family members don't love her very much, but her friends do. He wrote some more and drew some hearts. He handed it to me and said, "You need to give it to her. I can't stay in the room long enough."

Off to R's room we went, bearing maybe her last gift. My son came in the room, then darted out of the room. I showed R. the card. It said, "Have a happy afterlife!" love S____ Thank you for being nice and complimenting me and everything else." R said she it was sweet of him to give it. At which point I realized that S___ was back at my elbow. She thanked him.

On the way home in the car, S____ said, "I'm really glad I went tonight, Mom. I almost swerved the car! "You are?" I'm thinking I've totally traumatized my child and shouldn't have taken him. I'm thinking that I'm glad he saw this for the first time with someone he doesn't really know well. And yet I think I've totally scarred him for life and I am a horrible mother, once again. S___ continues, "I'm glad I got to see her and say, 'thank you,' and 'goodbye.' That was nice."

What a great kid I have!