Family

How do you define family? So many people think blood determines all. Last night when I went to visit R_ in the hospital, the nurse said, "The family is in the waiting room." I look in the waiting room. Three women sit uneasily. None of them are blood family. All of them look worried. All of them love the woman being moved to ICU. I ask where the son is. "Oh he was here briefly but left." There is silence. They all know that the son will only come for money and pretend he cares. Where's the granddaughter? She's on her way. (She lives 3 hrs away. She hasn't been here for several recent hospitalizations.) A friend of mine who came with me and I sat in the waiting room until we could enter the room. I looked at these three women and thought, "They are her family. They love her. They will be here for her until she dies." It was beautiful... these women who love and it's not because they're related. They just love.

My father's wife sent an email yesterday. "Your father has been named Senior Citizen of the Year by______ County, Chamber of Commerce! He's been honored for his humanitarian efforts to improve the quality of life for so many people." (Something like that.) I thought... I should be proud. I should be excited. I feel guilty because I am not. I am jealous that he cares for strangers and not for me and my sisters. Is that terribly wrong? I really feel guilty about it. He is a good man to strangers. He will never be "Father of the Year, " or "Grandfather of the Year." He doesn't care. He is not our father. He is a man who once was my father... and that hurts.