Celebration

Helped lead a youth retreat this weekend. It was a good event. I was so impressed with the teens. Most of them took on their responsibilities with great dedication. They were so committed and skilled at their jobs, I could hardly believe it. It filled me up to see their effectiveness. The kids were also loads of fun. I don't think I've ever had so much fun at a youth event. We laughed and cried together. My oldest child learned all sorts of new skills at maintenance. He even learned to bite his tongue and not complain about his assignments. My middle child gave an excellent speech. He was insightful, caring, open and mesmerizing. His openness and honesty caught us all off-guard. I was incredibly proud of him. He also worked very hard at his "behind the scenes" work. He tried hard to work with some difficult kids. I just couldn't have been more proud of both my boys. People actually came up and told me how helpful and polite they were. It's good to know that the training we have given actually has sunk in.

It was an interesting event for me personally. I had to teach and speak about my faith. It felt easy and good to speak the things I have believed for so many year. It was fun to teach the kids and involve them in their learning. It felt a little like putting on an old, familiar sweatshirt. And yet I did not really "feel" what I said. It was not a "coming home" of faith. I felt disconnected from my teachings, from my faith. That was difficult. It was not depressing, just without feeling. Perhaps I am not as angry or confused. Maybe I'm just getting used to this lack of feeling, this uncertainty.