Rough neighborhood!

A friend of mine in G-town had her grandfather living across town. R---- was a very little old man. He was probably about 5' and weighed about 130lbs. He was an immigrant and a small scrappy man. His house was falling down around him and he refused to have anyone else work on it. He patched holes in the floor with plywood and laid the carpet back down over it. He hoarded things, as a leftover from the depression era. He was an odd little man, but nice to most people. One time I went to visit my friend's mother who was dying from cancer at the time. R--- was in the kitchen, working on a light switch with the power lines still hot. As I walked in, sparks were flying everywhere! Now some electricians know how to do hot work, but R--- was not an electrician.
One night the police called my friend. They said that R----, the grandfather was in the psychiatric ward over in the hospital 25 miles away. She was shocked! What happened? How did he get there? The officer explained. "Last night your grandfather was out on his front lawn shooting a handgun. The neighbors called us. We know he's an old man and he seemed a bit confused, but he wouldn't put his gun down." they explained how when they arrived, R---- wouldn't listen to them. He kept talking about needing to shoot the bad guys. They explained that there were no bad guys. He said they were hiding behind his car. They explained that they were police officers and he really needed to lay his gun down. He refused. They begged. They argued. They negotiated. All to no avail. They didn't want to use force to disarm him. After about an hour, they convinced him to go inside his house to talk about it. As soon as they entered the house, R--- put the gun on the table and settled down. The police then, using some force if I remember right, convinced him that he needed to go get some help. They took him to the psychiatric unit and left him for evaluation. My friend called the hospital as soon as she got off the phone with the police. She talked to the nurse who explained that he appeared to have "sun downers syndrome." This is where a person becomes agitated each evening and stays agitated until sun up. R--- had been pacing the ward the entire night. In fact he was up around the clock for several days and nights until they found the right medication for him. When my friend talked to her grandfather, she asked, "Grandpa, why wouldn't you put your gun down? They could have shot you!" He paused...stood up straight... and said...." I did." She said, "No you didn't." He said, "Yes I did, as soon as we got in the house." "Well," she asked, "why didn't you do that outside?" He looked her square in the eye, paused for dramatic affect, and said like John Wayne, "Because a cowboy never lays his gun in the dirt."

Life sucks

Life sucks and then we get to go to work.

Celebration

Helped lead a youth retreat this weekend. It was a good event. I was so impressed with the teens. Most of them took on their responsibilities with great dedication. They were so committed and skilled at their jobs, I could hardly believe it. It filled me up to see their effectiveness. The kids were also loads of fun. I don't think I've ever had so much fun at a youth event. We laughed and cried together. My oldest child learned all sorts of new skills at maintenance. He even learned to bite his tongue and not complain about his assignments. My middle child gave an excellent speech. He was insightful, caring, open and mesmerizing. His openness and honesty caught us all off-guard. I was incredibly proud of him. He also worked very hard at his "behind the scenes" work. He tried hard to work with some difficult kids. I just couldn't have been more proud of both my boys. People actually came up and told me how helpful and polite they were. It's good to know that the training we have given actually has sunk in.

It was an interesting event for me personally. I had to teach and speak about my faith. It felt easy and good to speak the things I have believed for so many year. It was fun to teach the kids and involve them in their learning. It felt a little like putting on an old, familiar sweatshirt. And yet I did not really "feel" what I said. It was not a "coming home" of faith. I felt disconnected from my teachings, from my faith. That was difficult. It was not depressing, just without feeling. Perhaps I am not as angry or confused. Maybe I'm just getting used to this lack of feeling, this uncertainty.

New President

Yea! We have a new president! I am thrilled with the prospect of our future! How exciting to have a democrat back in office, and make history with a man of color! It's hard to believe it has taken so long for us to reach this point. It's also hard to believe how many lies have been spread and how much fear is rampant. We are a paranoid society when it comes to partisanship. Can't wait for the lies to be proven wrong.

Homework

Sitting with my son while he does his homework. We may be here for days! I just hate ADD! We've been here for two hours and only have an LA page and 1/2 a math page done. Don't know what else to do for him! This is always a trial of my patience. I guess that's how I ended up writing so much on the computer. He does one problem and comments on something in the room. I remind him to focus and he does another problem and then he talks about what I'm doing, .... on and on we go! How did children and parents survive without that diagnosis? If he weren't diagnosed, I'd be screaming and tearing my hair out by now! Instead I write, although it's hard to focus. some people say kids are way over diagnosed. Instead of questioning diagnoses, we should be questioning why so many kids have it! Probably the plastics which we just found out are so "toxic." Or the cleaners we use. Who knows? All I know is that it's totally aggravating! Can't imagine living life so unfocused! Sure wish he didn't have to struggle with it so much. He would feel much better about himself and have a lot more fun playing!

Boomer Sooner!

Here's cheering for OU! will be watching the game Thurs, for sure. Hope we don't choke!

Ongoing faith struggle

Been reading The Shack, like a million other people. I have to admit that intellectually I agree with it. It says a lot of what I say I've believed for a long time. Unfortunately, sounds "too good to be true." It's not real to me. You know how when you hear something that changes you, it kind of connects your head with your heart. Somehow the two connect and you sense the truth. It's not happening. Wish I could go back to who I was. It was so much easier! This uncertain place is vague... too unknown... too foggy. Somehow it's hard to lead when the leader is lost. How long will this last? will I ever really believe again? will I ever care? If not... then what? you must be tired of reading this. I'm tired of thinking/feeling/writing it. I'm tired of struggling. I'm tired of being scared that my card house will blow over and I'll have nothing left. I'm tired of trying to figure out all the answers. I'm tired of trying to pull rabbits out of magic hats. I'm tired of being responsible for so many people's lives. I'm tired of just getting by. I just wanted a partner in this life and I've never had one. I just want some sense that God really does care and really does have something to do with how things turn out. Not seeing it. Not feeling it.

Wahoo! Happy New Year! Every New Year I've thought, "Well maybe this one will be better than last year." They never were/are. Pollyanna has fallen out of the tree. Who cares?