Failed Again

Well I'm sitting at my desk, at the same time I'm supposed to be in arbitration. What does that tell you? He showed up this time. He just started flinging mud immediately. It's kind of odd. I felt like I was an outsider, just watching this man implode. He's broke. He can't take the kids because he can't pay the rent and keep food on the table. Did I feel sorry for him? No. Did I want to help him? No. How can I have any compassion for a man who only shoots darts at me? How can I care that he's broke when he wants to go spend hundreds on bed frames with no mattresses, when he could go buy cheap frames and spend the money on mattresses? What an idiot! As I watched him, I realized that all the uproar which he causes now is just a magnification of what he's done for years. There always has to be a crisis. There always has to be inconsistancy. He won't have a schedule. He won't have a spending plan. He won't care for his children by providing a consistant presence or structure. Reconfirmation that I'm doing the right thing. Now if I can just figure out how to proceed.



I walked out of the counselor's office. Told her I just couldn't continue the conversation. Told her that every conversation with him goes this way. It's time to use the attorney and quit trying to work with him. Of course now he'll say that I sabotaged the arbitration. I actually gave him exactly what he wanted: no arbitration. Maybe I should have stayed. I don't think so, though. The last time we negotiated a temporary custody agreement, he didn't follow it at all. So why waste my time and money attempting to do what won't happen? As I walked out, all I kept thinking was that he wouldn't work with me if I stayed anyway, so why put up with the bull shit throwing?

So now I'm at work, and a group of ladies who love to gossip, and don't particularly care for me are here. What a blessing! What a Monday morning!