Christmas with the family

Christmas has come and we're stretching out the traditions. It's been awhile since I've written. I feel a bit rusty. We've survived the "first Christmas," in separate households. It's made for an interesting time, but not nearly as stressful as Thanksgiving. So glad I decided not to try to have the almost ex together with us! I've been so busy with work up until the holiday, this is the latest I've ever been in preparing. Shopping up until the last minute... Decorating at the last minute. No baking done beforehand.
The kids were at their father's for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. Again friends helped me keep my sanity. I spent Christmas Eve at church then went to some friends' house for a late dinner. Had a very enjoyable evening and came home late enough to go to bed and not think about the empty house. Woke up Christmas morning with the immediate need to wrap all the presents, so that kept me very occupied. Since I didn't have as many presents under the tree this year, I decided to wrap everything in coordinated wrap and bows. The rhythm of the wrapping and the care I took to choose the right wrap and make the right bow turned into a spiritual act of love for my children. I thought about each one of them and their special traits.
I thought about how the oldest thinks he wants to be grown up, and yet needs some extra nurturing for awhile. How he tries so hard to take care of his parents during this divorce and I need to help him not do that. He only has a little while before he is a true adult. He needs to be a kid for just a little longer. I think however that he is learning to be more sensitive with this divorce. Doesn't seem to be quite so self-serving. It's good that he's learning something from all this.
I thought about the middle one and how hard it is to be the middle child. He works way too hard at standing out. I worry that he is developing a drug problem. I'm not sure, but am giving an educated guess that he will need some serious intervention soon. And yet he's been in a good mood lately and not taking life as seriously as he has in the past. He works so hard at being unique, I pray that he will find himself soon. I pray that he finds a job soon, as I know that will boost his sense of worth.
I thought about the youngest. He's so fragile right now. He's also so fun. He irritates the heck out of me with his continual jabber about every little detail of events in his friends' lives. I have to work hard to make myself pay attention. I miss him. He's been with his father way more than with me lately and that really bothers me.
The kids arrived before I was ready. Their father brought them 2 hours early! Don't know his intention for that, but was very grateful to see the boys! We opened our presents one at a time to savor them and really enjoyed ourselves! I think we were all glad to be together. We all laughed and ooo'd and ah'd together. We joked we teased. It was good fun!

Have spent the last two days baking. Now some people would say that's crazy to start my baking after the holiday, but the baked goods are important to us. Since I always work so hard up until Christmas, the days following Christmas are spent really enjoying the holiday in whatever fashion that takes. One year we made the giant gingerbread house, complete with outhouse out back! This year it's been baking the traditional baked goods that mean it's holiday time. I'm so glad I don't worry about doing things on the exact date they are due. It's made the holiday enjoyable.

We tried to have Christmas dinner for 3 days in a row. Never did get all the kids together around the table! The oldest's work schedule has been hard to work around. Especially since he's failed to tell me what time he had to be there until it was too late. Oh well. Sometimes you have to let things go. I'll know how to plan better next year. This has been a year of learning. Relearning how special my children are to me. Learning how to love and be loved in unconventional ways, on a schedule that doesn't follow any rules. Learning how to appreciate what I can and not worry about the rest. Remembering that the holiday is about the spiritual and not worrying about cultural trappings. Realizing what good friends I have and how important they are to me. Learning that I need to let them know regularly what they mean to me.

Merry Christmas!