Children Can Drive Me to Drink

Yesterday, I spent the day trying to figure out what to do about my two older boys. Have I done enough? Do I need to do more to intervene in their lives? How do I not feel guilty if I don't try something else? On and on it went, but I was determined to make a decision. Finally I wrote in my journal and realized that I don't just want them to go into drug treatment. I want them to gain self confidence, and feel loved and lovable. I thought long and hard on this and decided that helping them feel loved is something I can do. I can stay connected with them by sending text messages, cards, notes of encouragement. I can give them little gifts like candy bars, etc. I felt really pretty good about this decision, even though I expected to get no response from them. So I texted each of them with a different message. Two minutes later, I received this text: "Fuck you bitch! Don't ever text me again" Did I blog that I'm planning to spend some time grieving the loss of my children this week? That text sent me right to the heart of my sadness. It's a "damned if you do and damned if you don't situation." He's a child that only a mother would be crazy enough to love.