Returning to Work

Today was my first day back in the office after my sabbatical. It felt familiar and yet odd to pull in the driveway, park my car and head for the door. I fumbled to find the correct key and of course chose the wrong one on my first attempt.

The women came today for Women's Circle. I greeted several of them as they entered the building. It was good to see them... at least most of them. (One, I could live without seeing for the rest of my life.) For the most part, I enjoyed seeing old friends. They invited me to join them for lunch. We chatted as we shared our meal. It felt right to be back with them.

They shared the saga of the raccoons in the church attic. We still have damage from that family of critters. I guess there was a momma and 5 babies living above our heads. Every spring and summer, we have a raccoon problem. The Coons usually outsmart us humans.

After lunch I returned to my office and my desk. I felt a bit odd. "What do I do with myself today? What do I usually do during the week? Can't plan worship yet, we have a meeting about that tonight." I wonder what in the world has been happening in my absence. Perhaps I need to read some emails and minutes of meetings.

My new administrative assistant comes in. We talk for an hour as she informs me of the happenings while I was away. Several people are angry about things that happened. That's not surprising. Other than that, business has rolled along. Worship has happened. Programs have run. Everyone is getting ready to head south to the beach in a couple of weeks.

I find it hard to focus.

And then I have the call from my ex-husband. He explodes over the phone and what little concentration I had, disappears. I decide that I need to head for my favorite hangout and write, after I pick up the kids. Oh well. Tomorrow will be another day.

Tomorrow I need to explain what I did on my sabbatical. I don't dare tell them that I basically spent the weeks recovering from depression, divorce and grief. I can't really explain that although I was trying to be "spiritually" fed, I still don't know what I believe. I'm still what they would call an agnostic. The sabbatical strengthened me. I don't think it is what they would have in mind, though. Yes, I have considered my faith continually. The best I can do right now is accept the fact that I don't know... that I will not know anything definite for awhile, and somehow, that's enough for now. Somehow that's okay. Tomorrow I'll write a summary that will hopefully clarify my weeks to both them and me. Maybe I'll find words to describe the journey which will not end.