Finding Strength

Slowly, but steadily now, my strength is returning. My confidence is returning also. It's been a very long journey through this darkness, but I am beginning to see the sun rise. This coming week I face the ex-in-laws and my sister at my son's graduation. I've been thinking about this a lot, preparing for the pain ahead. Yesterday as I sat and wrote, for the first time in forever, I felt strong to face them all. I know that I have done the right things for my family no matter what they think. I'm learning to recognize my feelings and not react to their opinions and attitudes. I'm not afraid of my ex's response to the divorce, either. I knew he'd be angry. He is. He'll get over it eventually, and we can work out our child arrangements then.

Believe it or not, going back to work has helped. The people who have told me that they're glad I'm back, have strengthened me. I wish I didn't care so much about what others think, but I do. It's been a real boost to realize how much I care about my church friends and how much they care about me. I've learned the value of friends over and over again along this process. I'm learning to be a better friend to others. Still have a way to go on that, but I'm learning. I think most people think of friends as extra, that family comes first. They think, and I have thought, that family is always there and friends come and go. A few people who have little or no family realize how important friends are. I am learning more about that every day, and I'm amazed at how powerful and wonderful the bonds of friendship are.

Along the way this week, I am being reminded that I'm a pretty decent person with a lot of skills. So maybe all those "affirmations," I wrote for The Artist's Way really are true. Go figure! It's great to realize that after feeling like an idiot for a year.

I'm still a work in process. I'm still sifting through the ashes of my previous life, but at least my strength is being renewed. Life does not seem overwhelming. When I can get my jaw from clamping down all the time, I'll know that I am almost out of the fire.