Children: Always a Surprise

I've been sweating all afternoon about telling my children that their father and I are divorced. I went to my favorite hangout to write. Couldn't write. Wandered around. Called some people I hadn't told. Paced and waited for the big moments with my kids. My hands shook as I drove to the first school pick up. The kids are after all, the most important people in my life, even when they don't claim me. I planned how to stay safe with my most violent son. I thought I would take my oldest out for coffee to tell him. I would treat my youngest with an ice cream outing. It didn't turn out anything like I expected. My middle one just walked away from the car with an, "I don't know why you thought I'd care!" (Of course I'm not including the swear words that were interspersed with his, "meaningful" words.) I tried all afternoon to get my oldest to answer his phone. He wouldn't answer. He finally called me back, and he was at the mall with no transportation to meet me. He obviously had no desire to go out of his way to meet me, so I told him on the phone. He was very "matter of fact." "Okay." he said, or something like that. It was so inconsequential that I didn't even notice his words. I was in shock! So then when my youngest came home from school, I decided not to make such a big deal about it. I just told him. He said, "I thought that happened a long time ago. Can I go ride my bike now?"

So there you have it. Some things that carry great significance to us adults don't mean a thing to our children. Maybe we shouldn't worry about being honest with them, even when we think they will be upset by our words.