Trying not to take that train

I'm working hard this morning. Trying not to take the guilt train. It's been my mode of operation for so many years, it's hard to say, "No." I make a decision, and feel good about it. Then my ex or my kids throw criticism my way and I start to cave. It's a major challenge to respond differently from my past. It's a good thing I have friends who remind me to stay off that southbound train toward guilt. Everyone should have friends who help them stay healthy. Wish I could do it for my self. Some day I will. Right now, it just feels oh so wrong. It's especially hard with my kids. But then, I think that's why they have turned out like they have. I've always jumped on that train and given in to their desires. This time I am staying strong and it feels like it'll kill them and me in the process. Some day I might be able to trust my gut feeling, but not right now. If I give in, it just might kill them and me.

I know, "Breathe, damnit! Breathe!"