Tomorrow morning my attorney and I go stand before a judge and present my final divorce decree, petition, whatever it's called. Tomorrow morning I meet with my attorney and then we wait our turn to stand before a perfect stranger and in a few simple minutes, I will be declared divorced. You may be still sleeping. You may be working at your desk. You might be getting your kids off to school. I will be declared, "Divorced." All the world proceeds as normal. My life will never be the same again. Of course none of our lives will ever be the same as they are each moment of each day. We think they will, but they won't.
Never thought I'd feel relieved and excited to be divorced! A year ago I was hysterical with the thought. I was frightened to death! A lot has happened in this year. I keep hoping that indeed with all this process I am a better person than I was before. I thought I'd be sad when the divorce date came, and I suppose I will be a bit sad. Right now, I am eager "to get it over with." I'm eager to be detached from the man I no longer love or hate. I just don't care about him. It's hard to believe that after 23 years. A week from tomorrow would have been our 21st anniversary. Interesting timing.
Just think... a total stranger talks with me and my attorney for a few minutes and makes a decision about me and my family's lives. There is no lengthy investigation. I'm sure that our story is the same as thousands who go through the "system." To the judge and to my attorney, it's just another divorce. And yet to me and my family it is "DIVORCE." We will offically no longer be a family as it has been known to us. It's odd how perspectives can be so different about the same events. It's odd how legal actions can mean so much.
Tomorrow I publish this. I dare not, tonight.
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