I Want to Go Home

I want to go home. Life is a bit off-kilter when you own the home, you've been paying for the home, you live in the home, but it's not safe to go home. For a year, minus one week, I have been living in and out of my home. It hasn't been safe to go there off and on. In fact, if I am totally honest, it hasn't been safe to be there for a long time. Not when you consider the verbal abuse that's gone on. And the drug use. Maybe it's never been safe. That's crazy! No wonder I feel lost. I have no grounding. I have no sure, safe place to land. I am so thankful for friends and family who take me in. They are generous and make me feel loved. Still...why do I need to find places to land? I want to go home! I want to have a home... a safe home.. free of drugs and violence. I want a place where I can go and feel like I am coming home. Not a house, but a real home, where love, joy, comfort, and life happen. I strive for that. I am heading for that. I have no idea how to get there from here... what that path even looks like. How did I get so lost? How did I lose my way? How do I find it again? How do I find my way home? Where is home? What is home?