Took my youngest to the outdoor mall today. I had rehab centers to call and my youngest wanted to play on the rocks at the creek. It's a beautiful day outside. Too bad it's not a beautiful day inside. I'm glad it's at least a nice day to be out. It lifts my spirit a micro milliliter to feel the sun shine and the breeze blow softly. My son jumps from rock to rock across the stream and floats flowers down the current. I explain to him the progress I am making. We are a team now, he and I. He wants to be by my side every minute he's out of school. He wants to know that his brothers' and his fathers' drug habits will end and his nightmare with them. Last night he slept with me. I'm glad I finally have a bed big enough to accommodate us. Neither of us sleep compactly and even though he wants to be near me, he's old enough to not want his mother to touch even a toe. The dog decided to abandon us. There were too many legs in the bed. By morning she has decided to take her chances and I find her snuggled under the covers at my feet.
Today I make phone calls and watch my beautiful boy release some of his tension. I call a rehab and leave a message. I call a friend for perspective about my job as it relates to this situation. "Please leave a message..." is all I hear. Finally I gather the nerve to call my church governing body. I need to know how much this will affect my work. I am pleased to hear them say,
"I don't think you'll have a problem with this. I think people will think it is good that you are making the right moves. What can we do to support you?" Phew! I am relieved. I explain that the kids' therapist and my attorney were discouraging. They said not to worry about it. They also encouraged me to take the sabbatical I had planned, at the same time as the rehab. This is great news! I am very relieved. Then a friend calls me back. He's having a hard time right now, too. We share our misery. I encourage him and he encourages me. It works well for us. We talk for a long time. By then, our spirits have lifted some more. We can each face the evening ahead.
My son is impatient by now. We wander further upstream and explore. We sit on a boulder in mid-stream. It's a perfect place to float sticks and flowers down the falls. We watch to see where they land. We talk calmly about the future and the news I have. Burdening a 10 yr old with this seems odd, and goes against my instinct. But I have learned that my instinct cannot be trusted. Besides, he wants to know the progress. We enjoy our relaxed play and conversation, then head home to face the older boys and their pot.
It's been a better day than yesterday. Tomorrow I will come back mid-afternoon to unwind again. Maybe by then some plans will be tentatively set.
Today I make phone calls and watch my beautiful boy release some of his tension. I call a rehab and leave a message. I call a friend for perspective about my job as it relates to this situation. "Please leave a message..." is all I hear. Finally I gather the nerve to call my church governing body. I need to know how much this will affect my work. I am pleased to hear them say,
"I don't think you'll have a problem with this. I think people will think it is good that you are making the right moves. What can we do to support you?" Phew! I am relieved. I explain that the kids' therapist and my attorney were discouraging. They said not to worry about it. They also encouraged me to take the sabbatical I had planned, at the same time as the rehab. This is great news! I am very relieved. Then a friend calls me back. He's having a hard time right now, too. We share our misery. I encourage him and he encourages me. It works well for us. We talk for a long time. By then, our spirits have lifted some more. We can each face the evening ahead.
My son is impatient by now. We wander further upstream and explore. We sit on a boulder in mid-stream. It's a perfect place to float sticks and flowers down the falls. We watch to see where they land. We talk calmly about the future and the news I have. Burdening a 10 yr old with this seems odd, and goes against my instinct. But I have learned that my instinct cannot be trusted. Besides, he wants to know the progress. We enjoy our relaxed play and conversation, then head home to face the older boys and their pot.
It's been a better day than yesterday. Tomorrow I will come back mid-afternoon to unwind again. Maybe by then some plans will be tentatively set.
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