It's Saturday night... the dreaded Saturday night. When I face the "demons," of Sunday morning with nothing to say. These Saturday nights are lonely. They're panic time. They're "I can't breathe," time. I always think, " I can't live through another Sunday." Somehow I do, but it's not very pretty. I feel like I'm cheating. I feel like I'm lying. I try not to. I try to only say what I can and still be honest. But how do you pray to an "unknown god," and not feel like a liar? I manage to stick to the words of tradition. That helps. I figure that way I'm repeating what I have believed and someday might believe again. The longer this goes on. The less I think I will ever believe again.
And so it's Saturday night... I'm panicked and need a friend. Someone who doesn't care if I don't believe any of this stuff anymore. And yet, I can't take time to just chat on the phone, or go out somewhere! The deadline is here! I have a vague notion of what I'll say. I have the outline in my head. Can I say it and still be honest? Can I be honest and still say what I have to say? If I could, it would be on paper by now.
I absolutely hate Saturday nights because I hate Sunday mornings! This is not how I envisioned my life at all! I have always loved worship! It's killing me to struggle with it now!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
I think the thing about your sermons lately is that they have been really great cause they have been really honest. Stick to honest and you will do ok. The church as a whole needs more honesty in my opinion.
Well said, N. This is exactly what I thought as I read the blog. Stay with what you feel, God will find His place in your words and speak to everyone in His own way.
Post a Comment