A few minutes to write

I'm heading to do R's burial and "Celebration of R's life." The newspaper wrote an article about her yesterday. I'm excited that her life has been recognized by so many as pretty amazing. If I had known half of it, I would have been a closer friend to her. Oh well. Can't take that back.

Have to go do 2 hospital visits in two different towns, after the service today. Don't know when I'll have a chance to prepare for tomorrow.

Been thinking about something.... I have this couple who are in extreme crisis with cancer, but they won't let me visit. They're very proud people and it's important for them and their house to look good when anyone visits. Every time I call, he's bawling on the phone and gets off the phone as quickly as possible because he's crying so hard. It's breaking my heart! He's said several things to lead me to believe that they're losing their faith. And amazingly enough that's really bothering me! For some reason it's okay for me to lose my faith, but I feel like a mother bear who can't get to her cubs and they're in trouble! Go figure! Yesterday, he was supposed to have a procedure. He wanted me to be there, but never told me where or when. I called everyone I knew, trying to find him. couldn't reach anyone who knew anything. Even after I picked up my kids, I went to the Lowe's to buy something and went to the one over by a couple of hospitals and sat in a parking lot calling all over the place, thinking that I'd be right there to go visit. After 1/2hr of phone calls, I found out that he didn't have the procedure, and of course didn't let me know! These are not people who don't like me. There are plenty of those, but these are people who give me presents all the time. I know them fairly well. It's really bothering me. then I think, "If it's bothering you so much, S, then that's your problem, not theirs." Anyway, been pondering all that these past several days. Why does it bother me that they are losing their faith? Why does it bother me that they won't let me support them in their crisis? Something to think about on my drives this afternoon. You'd think I'd be relieved that they are not needing visited when I have so many other people in crisis right now.