Affection

Plug your ears. I mean, "Close your eyes," if you have a conservative vision of me. Oh yah! I forgot. I don't give my blog address to people like that. Of course I know that other people can read this, but if I can't remember the long address, why would they?

Anyway, my friend and I were chatting about affection tonight. It seems so strange to me that my friends are shocked that my husband never showed me basic affection. I've had friends say, "He never tongued your ear?" "No, he never did that. He never even tongued my mouth except during sex! " "He never caressed your neck or kissed your neck?" "No, he never did that." I think I wrote some of this before, but a kiss with tongue in the kitchen meant, "I'm horny. Let's have sex tonight." Otherwise it was kissing like I kiss my sisters and father. No lip. No tongue. The amazing thing to me now is how others react to my telling them this. I'm actually shocked to find out that they're shocked! Most of my friends react by cussing very loudly or saying, "You're kidding!" I'm so stupid, he had me convinced that to expect any affection was ridiculous! I'm so stupid I thought what we had was normal. Most of my male friends complain that they don't get enough sex. Most of my female friends say they can live without it. I didn't realize that sometimes husbands actually caress their wives without it being foreplay! Or they are affectionate as foreplay! Go figure! Isn't that outrageous?!

Actually, the 20 year argument was. "Why aren't you affectionate at all?" vs. "Why don't you ever want to have sex?" I think I've figured it out.

First of all, when you gain 50 lbs the first year of marriage, don't expect the same attraction as when you were thin. It's not going to happen unless I've gained 50, too. And that's not going to happen in my life! If men are so busy worrying about the size of their penises, why do they make them look tiny by being 50-100lbs overweight? What do you think it looks like next to a beer belly? What goes with beer? Peanuts. I rest my case. Okay, maybe I'm being harsh, but you know me! I don't edit much in this blog and I can only speak for my own sexual attraction quirks. I'm sure many men think I'm too skinny. And God knows there are only a handful of skinny guys out there who aren't gay.

The other thing I've figured out is that affection is foreplay. Even if the sex isn't for a few days, it's still sexy and exciting. For me, sexual attraction has to be in the context of affection. I can't do uncaring sex. I just can't. I'm done with that! And affection is just plain necessary for any marital relation. Or dating relationship. I want so badly to have someone just caress my neck. A friend of mine says I'm too easy. I want so badly to have someone want to just show me he cares! I watch movies and I can almost remember what it feels like to have someone touch my neck or really kiss me. And then I cry. Sigh!

Of course my ex was affectionate when we dated. He was giving and attentive. So what happened? It all stopped during the first year of marriage. So how do you know ahead of time? How do you know that what you get when you are dating is going to last after the wedding bells? How do you know that the looks aren't just a trap and will go out the window as soon as you're married? How do you know these things? I need to know! Maybe a reason to stay single the rest of my life.