Easter

Easter was an interesting day. I was excited to hear Easter music and dress in my new outfit from India. My friends gave me the nicest gift of a really bright, beaded, silk Indian outfit. Been very sick of wearing black preacher clothes through the winter. I felt refreshed to dress in bright colors and welcome spring! It is so much more my normal personality, that it lifted my spirits from the basement. All in all, I found myself more cheered than I have been in months! Go figure! I wanted to be at church and spend time with my friends. I wanted to sing the Easter resurrection songs... the alleluias filled my heart. The service started in the dark, with the black drape of Black Friday, and transitioned into the celebration of the resurrection. My smile came naturally. I was truly happy! That's a first in a long time.

What seemed most odd to me during worship is that I don't really believe the resurrection story right now. I'm not sure I ever have. Probably at some point I have, but I've always been a skeptic. It didn't seem to matter what I believed yesterday. I was relieved to have someone else preach those words of resurrection hope so I didn't have to lie. I was relieved to know that my vacation was coming in just a few hours! I was relieved to not be depressed. I could sing words that I didn't believe with gusto and just enjoy the tunes. It didn't matter what I believed. It was beautiful and I enjoyed the beauty of the worship. For this I am grateful.

Following the service, we had a small service of reaffirmation of wedding vows for a couple. I thought it would bother me. It did a little, but not terribly much. I could separate myself from their happiness to some degree. I do hope they are happy together.

After worship, when I headed for home, alone, I started to feel depressed and then I realized that I was tired and just needed to ignore the depression, eat lunch, and nap. So that's what I did. Fell asleep for the afternoon. Woke in time to take my son to a wonderful dinner at some friends' house. We talked, ate great food, and laughed. We played with the dogs and told stories. We explored their beautiful garden in bloom. All of this lifted my heart.

So my middle son cussed me out when I stopped by his house and wished him a "Happy Easter. " So my other son isn't speaking to me. It was still a good day. In a sea of bad ones, it was the first time I've felt real hope in a very long time. For this I am grateful.